I'm Samantha and I love to skate. I also like to shake things up a bit

i tried out for AZ idol...
i woke up at 3:45 am... got ready, woke my mom up at 4:30.... left around 5.. got to Glendale West Gate at 6-ish...
we waited online for over 2 hours for wrist bands, then another 2 for our contestant numbers, check in, and head shots...   then we probably waited another hour or so to sing..
i sang "a little less 16 candles"...... i was nervouse.. and i don't know why i sang it.
oh well.
i don't find out until tonight if i've got thru to the next round.

i met some rad people though.

can someone tell me about the times that each band comes on at Projekt Rev... in particular: msi, medina lake, him, mcr, tbs, and lp?

american idol audition stuff is on tuesday.. i'm singing "the (after) life of the party"... does this sound good enough: http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=F38B728D5FBC6C6C


in other things i posted warped pix of Cute Is What We Aim For and Meg & Dia, as well as Cali Honda Civic pix on RockstarBaby.net and a few on here...

i dont feel much better.




today i slept until around 1pm. i would have slept longer, but i woke groggily from my sleep and noticed phoenix on tv. fox news was showing the news hellicopters that crashed into each other & blew up over a park in down town. it freaked me out because today i went to get my hair done(at 3:30), but usually i go around 1pm to get it done(about the time the hellicopters crashed) and i always drive past that park on the way to get my hair done( i didn't today because those streets were closed off).

i got my hair done today.. it looks the same, but with slightly more black than before.

nothing is going to good for me. i went from tons of interviews to none. you'd think the bigger the bands i'd interviewed the more i'd get. but now theres nearly any. i may just throw the towel in on that. i dislike interviews anyway.

i dislike everything to do with the internet.

i.
hate.
people.

i'm probably going to go to LA next week. the hotel i stay at in Malibu is under renivation, so i'll probably stay at The Shutters in Santa Monica. It'll be fun to go see the Xgames and go to Sprinkles, and go look at homes and apartments for myself.
The first step to moving is finding a place to live. I've been looking online.. it's hard to find a decent place in West Hollywood, the Hills, or Beverly Hills with 2 bedrooms or more for less than $4,000 a month.... i did find this awesome two bedroom house in the Hills that happened to be next to pwentz, i was going to go look at it but it got rented out. so now of all the places i've found online, i think i like this one the best: http://www.rent.com/rentals/california/los-angeles-and-vicinity/los-angeles/hollywood/567504/2/?sp=1&searchrank=2
it's in a rad area, and they allow pets so i could bring saturday.
i have no idea what i'd do for a job. the only thing i'm semi-qualified to do is be a paparazzi or something. ps: anyone else thinking of moving to LA or who lives in LA need a roomie?

Hey Kids,
i'm looking for people to work on RockstarBaby.net's news blog, mod's for the message board, as well as someone to help run RSB's MySpace and Buzznet pages.

Job Details
Bloggers:  We're looking for people to post the latest news on RSB's blog.  All news stories must be double checked and come from a reliable source.. if not they must be listed as gossip(i.e. "pete wentz and ashlee simpson rumored to be engaged", you'd have to use the words allegedly and supposidly as well as firmly state it is gossip and not fact).. you also must give sources(a url back to where you originally found the info) on stories when nessisary or quoting anything.. and if you post an image, you must must must give a image source credit to the web site that it was found on.  bassically all we care about is that the news is correct and all sources are credited.

Message Board Mod:  delete spam messages, lock in appropriate topics, make sure people don't fight, keep everything running smoothly.

Myspace & Buzznet page keepers:  keep RSB's myspace and or buzznet page up to date, approve and send out friend requests, delete spam comments, ect...

If you're interrested fill out this application and buzznet e-mail it to me:
(first name) Name:
Age:
Location:
AIM sn:
E-mail:
Job you're applying for:
HTML expierence:
If you're applying for a news blogging job..
Have you ever run/worked for a blog before:
What band(or bands) would you mostly like to focus on blogging about:


please do not ask about band interviewing and or photography jobs.. we are NOT hiring for that right now.

all jobs are non-paying.....RSB makes $0 money.

news flash... i. am. not. cool..  so i'm going to stop trying to be.  maybe that'll make me actually cool. well not cool, but better off than my current state.



i'm back in my crash & burn state.  i was happy on my vacation in Cali, pretty much only because i got to see Fall Out Boy play live, one of the few things that actually makes me happy... I was happy when i got back to AZ.. but after Warped Tour everything went down hill again.
I really don't have to the will to live.  I want to be gone from here more than anything.  I feel trapped.   I described it the kind of feeling i'm feeling the other day in my blogspot journal that no one reads  as: "i feel REALLY empty inside. like the kind of empty you feel when you're stuck in a room with nothing in it and bare walls and no doorway to escape from....the kind of empty that you feel when you know theres no way out but death."
I think that is truely the best way i've ever summed up the way i feel.  and even that doesn't describe the way i feel perfectly.
I know i will never be happy, because nothing really brings me happiness.. excpet for as i mentioned before going to fall out boy concerts... but what am i going to do? go see them in concert every day? i 1. can't afford that. 2. hate traveling. 3. by most standards that would be stalking.... plus the joy that brings would probably wear off.   when i was sad i used to go to the mall and buy stuff.. but over time that wore off.  now i have to go to the mall and buy something EXPENSIVE like a $160 terry cloth dress, and even stuff like that no longer brings joy.... so eventually fall out boy concerts would become like a terry cloth dress.. un satisfying.
i guess "un satisfying" is how i feel about life in general.  nothing gives me a thrill.  nothing brings me joy.   and things i like ultimately make me sad.   and dreams i have end up causing me more than anything to feel suicidal, because i know they're not easily obtained.
i know if i live long enough, even though i'm sXe, i will eventually turn to drugs to get me through this.  but i doubt i will live.
some days.. more often recently than in the past.. i really wonder if i'll live until the next day; i feel the drive to commit suicide.
today i randomly boldted out of my mom's car at a stoplight, and walked across the street and sat down in the grass infront of some random gated community. i sat there and cried.  my mom came by begging me to get back in the car. eventually i did because i realised i had no where to go being i had no money on me, and running into traffic wasn't a sure death and if i did not succeed i would just be arrested.


everyone,
thinks,
that,
i.
am.
a.
happy.
person.

because i've been depressed and suicidal for the past five years, though it's got a lot worse recently, everyone around me is just used to it, so they don't really care much or give much thought to it anymore. no one wants to listen. sometimes i'm bitched at for trying to talk... most of all no one gets me help.  my mom won't even let me take the anti-depressants i was prescribed, even when i beg. and when i feel suicidal she'll promise me stuff just to get me to shut up.  like she promised me last november one day when i was feeling suicidal that i could go to the "christmas with cky" concert in philadelphia and spend x-mas with her family.. she let me buy tickets to the show and even first class plane tickets... and then at the last minute she said no she didn't feel like going.. it's nice to fuck around with people.

no one ever let me grow either. i still feel 14. when i'm around 14 year olds, i always feel like they're older than me.  i feel afriad.  let alone people my age or older.  i have severe anxiety.

no.
one.
cares.

i'm bored.. it's almost 1 am.. and i've got nothing to do.. i'm currently watching HBO.. "Cruel Intentions" was just on.. that movie is rad.. but now "American Dreamz" is on.. it's ok.. but yeah.. i'm bored and no one else seems to be up.

So last night Die-An-Uh and I dressed up like witches (die-an-uh was the heir to Slytherin) and went out and bought Harry Potter at Midnight. Haha well actually i only bought it, Die-An-Uh doesn't like the books. I doubt i'll even read the book... haha i've read the other 6... i started reading those books when i was 9.. they were cool back then.. but honestly i've out grown it.. plus i only wanted to know who died.. and i already found that out.. hahahah i tried reading the Wiki synopsus(sp?) of the book, and that bored me to death half way..

today was boring... all i did was listen to "from under the corktree" (i'm so happy i found that cd after it being "lost" for 6 months), cry, by cupcakes, play bass, and watch tv..

i.
hate.
my.
life.

CKY are going on tour with Cradle Of Fith and Vains Of Jena.. they're playing here October 8th..... i will so be there... I am so fucking stoked.



haha.. lets take a trip down memory lane to like june of 2006.... i look like a fucking eleventeen year old...











note to self: don't wear a baggy boys shirt. don't wear pig tails. don't have short hair. don't have purple/pink/red hair....  get a decent picture where i don't look ugly and like an 11teen yr old.

i decided to go thru my closet and sell some of my clothes on ebay.....
check out my auctions here: http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZhellviewxcoreQQhtZ-1


some of my stuff for sale:

Vintage Lizzie Mcguire Tank


Delia's sequined skirt


American Apparel Gold Tube Top


TRIPP NYC skirt


green fade Angie Skirt


Limited Too graphiti tank

so i went to look at the puppies.. i picked out one i liked... her current name is Minnie (i intend to change it)... i would have taken her home then and there.. but it was like 7pm and the banks are closed and you cannot withdraw $2,200 from an ATM..... so i'm going tomorrow to pay for her and pick her up.

the breader gave me some of the dogs papers.. which had pix of the puppy and the litter...






so yeah.. i need name suggestions...
names i'm currently concidering:
Saturday (after the song)
Sugar (after SWGD)
Parker (after the song "parker lewis can't loose")
Blink (after blink182)
fall out girl (errmm duh)
Avril (haha.. my mom thinks i'm crazy for concidering this)
L.O.V.E. (after the song)

yeah so ever seeing pete wentz's dog in person back in january, and watching the tv show "Rob & Big" waaayyy too much, i've decided i wanted an English Bulldog...  not only are the fucking adorable.. but they also can learn to skateboard...

i'm going to an English Bulldog breeder tomorrow to look at puppies... i'm pretty sure i'm going to come home with a pup... they're so fricken cute.. i'm excited because the breeder dogs are only about $2,000 and look adorable, where as the ones i've seen at the pet shop are about $5,000...

so anyone have any name suggestions for if i get a english bull dog?

i seriously need to go do a photoshoot.. i need a a good default picture that shows off my new hair style.



oh some bitches on youtube left comments on my interview videos saying i'm a slut, that i'm trying to hard to be punk, and that i'm trying to hard to be trendy..oh and accused me of being a groupie..

1.BAHAHHAHAH since when was wearing clothing that fully covered your body slutty?

2. FYI what i wore to Warped Tour was a toned down version of how i dress every day.  i've always been punk.. trendy is stupid.

3. being a member of the press is not being a groupie.. there are no bands on warped tour that i'd want to sleep with.  there is really no band in general that i'd want to sleep with....maybe one band member...but yeah.  i've never slept with, dated, or come onto any band/band member..  I AM NOT A GROUPIE.


kthanxbye

i'm still pretty tired from Warped Tour... i've been in my PJ's since Wensday night.. not good.. though yesterday I did go out to see Harry Potter, boring as heck... and today i went to Boarders and bought the book Twilight (Chelsea was harrassing me the other day to read the book... so i am going to)...
I sent out a ton of e-mails today, and made a ton of phone calls... interesting things to come...



web cam photo!.....yeah i wear a clan hoodie as PJ's.. quite sad.

someone's been making phone calls from MY CELL PHONE NUMBER to my friends... i'm pretty freaked out.  I got a call this afternoon asking me if i had someone leave a message on her answering machine saying "hi this is jeff from warped tour and i'm here with sammi xo".... 0_____0

1. at the time this phone call was supposidly made, i was throwing up in first aid

2. the only jeff i met at warped tour, was jeff from "cute is what we aim for", and my cell phone was no where near him.

3. i do NOT go by "sammi xo" offline, and no one at warped tour except for my friend chelsea(who did not use my phone and obviously is not a man) would have known of that internet name.

4. my phone was with me ALL day, there is now anyone could have used my phone... so obviously someone used some phone number masking thing.



i'm kinda freaked out, though i have an idea of who may have done this..... if anything happens like this again, i'm having the police trace the calls.

all of yesterday's interviews(The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Circa Survive, Cute Is What We Aim For, The Almost, Mike Vallely, and Haste The Day) are now up on RockstarBaby.net.....the pictures will be posted shortly.


oh and i realised last night that i LOST MY IPOD at Warped Tour... nnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo.

wow warped tour was like an adventure this year... i interviewed a bunch of bands and got sick with heat exhaustion...  (pictures and videos will be posted on RockstarBaby.net later tonight or sometime tomorrow.. i shall let you all know when)

i got there at like 11am, and met up with Chelsea... the stuff for where to get the press passes, and then where to go for interviews was super confusing... other people in the press area were talking about it as well. 
Chels and I ended up walking about 2 miles around the outside of the venue, and then it was just a lot of confusion inside.....   After we finally got to the backstage area(we had full backstage access), everything was great.  We got the set times, and interview time list..
We wondered around backstage for a little while.. i got a picture infront of the Fuse bus, and we walked past some bands that were wondering around as well(Anberlin were sitting in foldable chairs by their bus, and Escape The Fate were wondering around, oh and we also spotted Paramore standing on the food line).... After a while we went outside and walked around a bit... We watched some of the skaters skate, and I took pix of Revolution Mother's set.  I also met Hannah Beth and got a picture with her.  I also bumped into some people I knew from other shows.. And two girls stopped me to get their picture with me(hahaha... it kind of freaked me out.. because i was seriously joking in that journal entry i posted about taking pix with me at warped)...i asked them to e-mail me the pictures and i'd put it up on my buzznet. haha
We then went to the press area(i bumped into Authority Zero and chatted with them for like 5 minutes) and did interviews with: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Haste The Day, The Almost and Cute Is What We Aim For... (we may have interviewed more bands. haha i'm kinda disoriented right now, so i honestly can't remember without looking at the videos)
After that we wondered around backstage again, and then went out to watch some bands....  I took pictures of Cute Is What We Aim For's set... I honestly had the chills when they did "the curse of curves"(i'm a dork i know)....
Chelsea and I then went backstage again where I interviewed Mike Vallely (seriously the highlight of my day, because he is seriously one of thee greatest skateboarders of all time), and The Matches...
Chelsea and I then went back out so she could watch/take pix of Meg & Dia's set and I could watch Revolution Mother's second set(Mike V is srsly the hardest working dude on Warped.. he plays TWO SETS AND SKATEBOARDS!!).....    I watched about 5 minutes of Mike V's set and bumped into my friend Brittany and some of her friends.  We went over to the stage Meg & Dia was at so i could find Chelsea..... 
And thats when I started feeling seriously sick..... i was bad.. i had a lot of Monster drinks, Coke-A-Cola and Minute Maid Lemonaid... NO water.. bad idea when it's 117º out... after MEg & Dia's set i could barely walk... i got as far as the backstage area, and when i had to sit down.. I asked the security to call a paramedic for me... I felt shakey, sick to my stomach and like I was going to faint...  The paramedic's got there and i srsly felt i couldn't walk...so they had someone go get a golf cart to drive me to the first aid.. while waiting for the golf cart i threw up in a trash can... when i got to the first aid i felt like beyond sick... i ended up laying down with cold rags on my neck and forhead.. my heart was racing, my blood pressure, was up and i was over heated... i didn't want to miss  my Paramore and Killswitch Engage interviews.. but i felt so sick i couldn't sit up.. So i called my mom to have her drive me home... it took her about an hour to get there.. the whole time i felt super sick.. i finally about 10 minutes before she got there, was able to sit up.

It really bummed me out having to leave early.. I still feel sick and disoriented... i cannot believe I got sick at Warped.. the same thing happened when i saw Fall Out Boy play in Phoenix about two weeks ago... (blah and the paramedics remembered me from that show.. and accused me of being an attention seeker... Why the hell would i want to be in the First Aid when i had a backstage pass and could be out interviewing people in the far better air conditioned press room?).....

All in all i had a good time, other than missing Paramore & Killswitch...

Warped is the best place to do interviews.. it's just easier and you get to interview so many bands.

wow.. all day i've been getting tons of emails and phone calls from pr asking me to interview their bands at Warped Tour tomorrow.. haha i've actually turned down a lot of them.(wow theres a statement i never thought i'd make)...
So far I'm confirmed for: Cute Is What We Aim For, Paramore, Killswitch Engage, Funeral For A Friend and Mike Vallely..  I'm really excited about Mike Vallely because he's one of my favorite skateboarders(my fav sports team = the Element skateboard team. haha).
Right now i'm getting ready to respond to an e-mail from Bayside, Chiodos, and My American Hearts PR..... I think i'm going to ask for Bayside & Chiodos, since i don't really know much about M.A.H.


^--my ipod microphone... and me doing a stupid face...

I've been listening to Good Charlotte on my iPod all day.. :-S   i almost never listen to GC anymore, and often claim not to like them anymore.... i lie... i LOVE Good Charlotte. For me there one of those bands thats music changed my life...  Bands that changed my life: Spice Girls(got me listening to music), Backstreet Boys (made me want to do music), Blink182 (got me liking rock), and Good Charlotte (made me want to be a rocker).   Though I must say that the concert that changed my life the most was The Friends Or Enemies tour... I've been a totally different person since.... far more likable.


I'm tired... i was up til after 2am fighting with my web site hosting service over why my data base was fucked up... it got fixed thankfully.. but i had to get up at like 7 something am to go to my 6 month dental check up(fun times... not)..

i'm going to have to take sleeping pills tonight.. i don't want a recreation of Warped Tour 2005 when i was up for 24 hours.. and i had won backstage passes off some internet contest and ending up shaking when i met Gerard and told him how Helena was my favorite song and his body gards laughed, and later on i met Patrick Stump and thought he was a roadie.. 0_____________0

Warped Tour 13 HERE I COME!!!

my afternoon was boring.. i blew whatever was left of my money on glossy paper and blank cd's. (i racked up a pretty large bill at the Apple Store on Sunday... blah and i still need to buy an extra mem card)

Around 6pm tonight Chelsea and Jesssika Daze came over... Chelsea wanted to make RockstarBaby.net t-shirts for us to wear at Warped Tour on Wednesday.  We went down to Tempe to American Apparel but decided we didn't feel like spending $30 on a t-shirt...So we went to Target at the Scottsdale Pavillions and went shopping for blank t-shirts.. haha.. In Target we totally goofed off.  We  decided to pretend to be illigal immigrants and started yelling at each other in Spanish, although all i can say in Spanish are quotes from Ricky Martin & Enrique  songs, "viva la bam" and "where is the bathroom". hahaha. 
When we were on the check out line in Target there were these two guys infront of us on bikes(they were buying some).. I then noticed they both were wearing Warped Tour laminated passes.  I said "warped tour passes", and the guys were like "yeah we're on warped tour".. So then Chels and I told them about RockstarBaby.net and how we've got press & photo passes... We ended up exchanging numbers with the guys(who by the way were from the band Run Doris Run) so we can interview them at Warped, and they gave us each a copy of their cd. hahaa. raaaddd times.
After Target we went over to Micheals Crafts and bought fabric spray paint and stencils.. then we came back to my house and made the shirts(outside in the street infront of my neighbors house... haha).... Chelsea sprayed waaaayyy too much black on her blue t-shirt and didn't let it dry long enough... but my black shirt with silver spray came out perfect..

in other things my web site photogallery is down again... teenies trying to upload fob pix again? (jesus christ i do NOT have a fob fan site)

i was just checking my e-mail.. and i had a bunch of e-mails from different warped bands and booth's pr people asking if i would interview them.. how rad is that?

i really want to work on my music career again... really badly..i think i'm going to work on some bass tracks..i'll post later..

i want to be a star blogger.. that would be rad....



fergivoredfgklvjdf.. i'm bored i just woke up.. i'm listening to Ashlee Simpson ("Invisible" is currently playing) & Avril Lavigne music on my laptop.. i left the iPod charger cord in California and my Bose iPod speakers stopped charging it after they got caught under the sprinkler....so i need to pay the Apple Store a visit sometime this afternoon or tomorrow...
Stuff i need to get at the Apple Store:
- iPod computer adapter cord
- iPod head phones(mine broke a month ago or maybe they just got lost.. i can't remember)
- iPod microphone recorder (for doing interviews at Warped Tour)
- a 2 or 3 gig camera Mem Card

i got my hair completely re-done yesterday... black & blue under the blonde, and bangs... i missed having bangs.....  not the greatest picture but:

i'll have a bunch of radXcore pix after Warped Tour.... 3 days bitchessss.... awesome bands.. awesome rockstars..... and probably tons of dehydration(please dont let it be the phoenix honda civic tour show all over again)....

side from "saturday" by FOB, my fav song is "1979 " by The Smashing Pumpkins... best song ever..


(argghh why wont it let me post the music video?)

Myself, along with my pals JessiKa Daze(http://jessikadaze.buzznet.com) and Filthy (and possibly even Androiid, i'm trying to convince him to come, but he hates being recognized), will be at Warped Tour on July 11th in Phoenix Arizona, interviewing bands, taking pictures of the show, and walking around...   Fell free to come say "hi" and take pix with us. hahaha.  I love meeting new people. <3

i finally got home yesterday after a week and a half in california.. raddest vacation ever.. i got to surf, i got to go ghost hunting(ish), i got to run down the beach with the navy seals(XD dont ask), i got to get rad henna tattoos, i got to eat a lot of dippin dots,  i got to go to the zoo with fall out boy, and i got to finally see blink-182 live..............
bad points of the vacation: over priced food, not seeing kate morgans ghost,  being forced to spend a day in laguna beach(eww),  having to spend two days at the holiday inn hotel circle(i'm used to 5 star.. that place was no star), waiting online in the heat outside the FOB concert, ruining my hair extentions in the ocean, loosing my bartskull necklace(that reminds me i need to order a new one asap), and my web site's photo gallery crashing.


it's good to be home.. the first thing i did was run to my room and play some bass.. i ended up stepping on a juicy couture perfume sample and cutting my foot though.. very unrad.




5 days til' warped tour.

so yesterday i spent the day at the San Diego Zoo with FOB and then went to their concert... fucking rad... i'll post details and pictures later... i'm fucking tired... yesterday i woke up at 7pm, didn't go to bed until 2am this morning, and i just woke up at like 7:15am.. crazy..

I saw Fall Out Boy in concert/m&g 9 days ago... and now here i am in San Diego at the FOB fan club flyaway.. we're going to an undisclosed location and having lunch w/ FOB today and then going to their concert tonight... rad times.